Understanding Willpower

What is will? What is willpower? To be able to manage it, you must first understand what the word means.

Will

'Will' is the ability to make conscious choice. We all have free will and make our own choices, even if these are to obey the commands of others.

Flowers do not have will. Animals have a degree of will. Humans have more, simply because they are better at thinking and can make informed choices.

When something can be done 'at will' means one can act at any time of choosing without hindrance. Greater will is needed when there are obstructions.

A person may be described as 'wilful' if they do not easily submit to the requests or commands of others. They do what they like, breaking rules and laws without concern for what others may think (other, perhaps, than to delight in the sense of control this brings).

Will is related to desire. If you do not want something very much, then the will to succeed is likely to be weak. This is reflected in the saying 'A faint heart never won a fair lady.' On the other hand if you have a strong desire, then you will be more likely to persist. Another saying is 'Where there's a will, there's a way.'

Exertion of will as self-control may be viewed as a conflict of desires, for example where we both want to get angry and know that we should not. From a psychoanalytic position this looks like a conflict between id and superego.

There is a scientific argument that our unconscious mind is actually in charge and that conscious thought is just the perceived surface of the total unconscious. Whether this is true or not, we still have what we call choice. The alternative is to be fatalistic and be blown by the winds of the world.

Willpower

Willpower is the motivation to exercise will. A person with strong willpower will assert decisions even in the face of strong opposition or other contradictory indicators. A person with little willpower will give in easily.

Getting what you want takes willpower, whether it means you doing something or others doing things for you. To succeed, this means first you must know what you want. Then you must be determined to get it, even in the face of extreme difficulties.

Will and power are closely related, as using will is exercising power. Powerful people often exercise what seems to be a strong will, although this often comes from the confidence that having power creates rather than directly from having the power. In a reversal, people who have strong a strong increase their power as a result.

Self-Control

Willpower is first of all about self-control. If you cannot control yourself, then there is little hope to influence others. The most powerful leaders have an iron discipline within their own lives. They do whatever it takes to achieve their goals.

Self-control is...

Self-control is management of one's own behavior, in particular when the behavior is driven by subconscious urges that conflict with conscious goals. For this reason, self-control is sometimes called impulse control.

A classic test of self-control is how long a person can endure an uncomfortable situation, such as holding their hand in icy water. As the hand gets colder and less comfortable, the urge to pull it out mounts. People with 'normal' self-control are able to hold their hand in longer, typically for a minute or so.

Deep urges

A significant part of our inner system of motivation are deep urges that we have inherited from our evolutionary past. They pressure us into actions that perhaps we would rather not take.

This has led to a need for self-control where we know that simply giving in to these urges may give short-term gratification but which would damage us in the longer-term.

Higher goals

As well as the basic animal urges, we have higher goals that we consciously create by observing, experiencing and thinking about the world around us. Maslow's hierarchy of needs explains how we seek higher and higher goals until we become what we are capable of becoming.

In this way we set career goals, seek to be admired by others, want our children to succeed and so on. These goals are often set far out into the future, unlike the needs that are driven by more immediate urges which can easily damage our chances of achieving our higher goals.

Much self-control comes from these higher goals as we control short-term urges in order to achieve the longer-term goals. This can lead to an inner conflict between urges and higher goals.

We typically seek to suppress urges while driving ourselves on to do only those things that will achieve our goals, even if they are difficult or unpleasant. This is why students revise hard into the night and people take on jobs that they do not like as they seek to build their careers and support their families.

Inner systems

To help us manage urges, we also have inner systems of determination. In particular we have values, which contain social rules, and an aligned, conscience, which provides a counter-urge, pushing us to conform to the values. This uses effects such as cognitive dissonance to keep us on the the 'straight and narrow way'.

We also have a deep need for a sense of control, which drives us towards achieving self-control as well as control in the outer world. When we realize that we are out of control, this becomes very troublesome and we come to see that gaining control of our lives can best start with ourselves.

Some people have a greater ability control urges than others, although this can cause greater ego depletion as the person works hard to control themself.

Sigmund Freud identified three parts of our persona, each of which has a role in the urge-control struggle:

• The id is driven by our urges and base desires. It seeks sensual pleasures and short-term gratification.
• The super-ego is our conscience and counter-balances the urges of the id, pressuring us into good and socially acceptable ways of behaving.
• The ego is conscious 'self' that makes decisions and has to choose between the negative and positive pressures of the id and the super-ego.

A critical decision that the ego has to make is the balance between short-term gratification and longer-term satisfaction. The manner in which we discount the future when making today's decisions has a significant impact on this.

Benefits of self-control

There are many reasons why gaining a better ability to control oneself is worth the effort that may be required. Galliot et al. (2007) note that self-control has been linked to a broad range of desirable outcomes, including:

• Healthier interpersonal relationships
• Greater popularity
• Better mental health
• More effective coping skills
• Reduced aggression
• Superior academic performance
• Less susceptibility to drug and alcohol abuse, criminality, and eating disorders
• Greater wealth

The correlation of self-control with wealth has been found in studies such as where it was discovered that poorer people are more likely to eat while food shopping, buy on impulse and eat unhealthy food.

In the late 1960s, Walter Mischel offered preschoolers with the choice of one marshmallow now or two marshmallows in 15 minutes. In a review years later of how the adult subjects turned out, he found that those who waited were better adjusted with higher self-esteem and were better at handling stress. They were also less likely to abuse drugs, had better relationships, got higher degrees and earned more money.

No control

Sometimes we show little control and our lives run amok as we give in to urges and never seem to get anywhere near achieving (or even setting) life goals. Such people are called vapid, empty wastrels. Especially if they have clear talent, their lack of will to do anything with it seems such a shame.

Ways we avoid taking willful control of our lives include:

• Procrastination: Putting off things we should be doing.
• Excusing: Giving reason for not doing the right thing.
• Indulging: In excesses and little mores.
• Escaping: Running away from responsibility.
• Coping: Dysfunctional ways such as denial and displacement.
• Lying: To ourselves and others.

Desisting

Desisting means stopping or never doing something. When we are driven to a particular action then we know that we should really say 'no' to ourselves. From punching the boss to smoking a cigarette, there is much in life we know we should not do.

The first step to desisting is in noticing the urge before the action takes place. The next step is to stop the action.

Ways of desisting include:

Delayed Gratification

Description

Some people want good things today whilst others are prepared to wait until tomorrow or later.

A big question for anyone is the extent to which they are prepared to wait for big rewards later or will settle for less in the short term. Along with this is the question of the level of discomfort people will put up with in order to gain a later reward.

Some people have a greater tendency to use delayed gratification as a personal motivation whilst others are more motivated by 'instant gratification' or pleasure now. Those who make greater use of delayed gratification are likely to be more successful in their lives.

Discussion

An effect that influences delayed gratification is discounting (or delay discounting). A financial 'discounted cash flow' (DCF) is a calculation of the present value of future money. We do the same with personal pleasures, converting future benefit into a present value which we use to help make investment decisions around our time and effort. We are in this way less motivated by the promise of reward in a year's time as compared with one week's time or right now.

One thing that mitigates this is anticipated pleasure that contributes to present happiness as we think about the positive future. This is perhaps a uniquely human ability where delayed gratification may actually be more pleasurable if you think of sum of all the good feelings leading up to the event, plus the pleasurable event itself. There is, however, a limit to this. If you put a pleasant event twenty years out, you are unlikely to spend much of the intervening time looking forward to it.

In the 1960s, Walter Mischel did an experiment with children where he offered the choice of one early marshmallow or, if they could wait a while, two marshmallows. He went back to them ten years later and found that those who waited for the two marshmallows had been far more successful in their lives, with better coping skills and being more persistent in working towards their goals (Shoda et al, 1990).

Thinking about the future is important also for young people who may be more focused on immediate pleasures with little thought for the future. Romer et al. (2010) found that risk-taking as assessed by use of three popular drugs (tobacco, marijuana, and alcohol) is inversely related to the ability to delay gratification.

Domination Control of others sometimes is easy. Polite requests or firm commands can be all that is needed. At other times the other person pushes back. Often, in such situations, the person with the greatest willpower will win through. One-sided domination Domination is often a one-sided affair, where one person 'imposes' their will on another. The basic principle is to always expect obedience and to speak and act in a way that shows this. Dominant body language is often used. This may be deliberate and may be used automatically, as created by the dominant mindset. This may include: Expanding the body to look bigger. Invading the other person's space. Interrupting them, demanding priority attention. Taking what is theirs without asking. Staring and holding eye contact longer than usual. Aggressive, sudden movements that threaten. Criticizing them, acting as judge and jury. Acting casually or ignoring them, as if they do not matter. Domination may use assertiveness, but often adds threat or more overt aggression. Battle of wills Sometimes acting in a dominant way is sufficient to subdue the other person and bend them to your will. At other times, they may fight back and a  'battle of wills' ensues. It can be a surprise when a subordinate person revolts, whether it is a teenager or a direct employee. Less surprising is where peers or a romantic couple fall out. The result in any case may well be a stand-up argument, where the stronger will wins. Each person may now be using dominant words and actions and the interaction will easily escalate as each tries to out-do the other. A typical interaction is a staring match, where they lock gazes with the knowledge that the person who looks away first loses this little game. In this sense, anger can be a support for willpower as it fuels determination and makes the person feel more powerful. Anger also results in a loss of conscious control and can easily spill over into physical fighting, especially between two males. The dominant character Some people are naturally more dominant than others and this character type is found in the DISC personality model. Other factors that may lead to a dominant character include: A preference for control. A lack of empathy. A tendency to judging. Consideration of self over others. Seeking, holding and using power. Dominant people view themselves as successful only when they are in charge and others are bending to their will. They like the act of domination and the matching act of submission by others. They enjoy the battle of wills as it helps them feel their sense of control and power. Willpower as Muscle Description Willpower and muscle are surprisingly similar, both as analogy and in physical practice. The exercise of will requires cognitive effort, with the brain using more glucose from the blood. And as the blood glucose is a limited supply, it can run low, leading to a sense of exhaustion. The human brain takes a lot of energy to run, consuming 20% of the body’s calories even though it constitutes only 2% of the body’s mass. Muscles can be made stronger with exercise. Willpower is similar, although this is perhaps more of an analogy than physical similarity. When you learn, exercise and practice using willpower, you get better at it and will become exhausted less easily. Discussion The principle of exhaustion means people can be worn down, which can be a deliberate strategy in the exercise of will. If I believe I have a stronger, fitter will than you, then all I need to do is to keep using it until you are forced to give up. Exhaustion in exercising will can be both physical and mental. When you start thinking that you may not succeed, this results in an exhaustion based on what you are thinking, perhaps anticipating exhaustion rather than physical depletion. Physical and willpower exhaustion are different. You feel and know when you are physically tired but may well not realize that your will is weakening. This can lead to unexpected problems. Exhaustion as weakening of the will is also known as ego depletion. Paradoxically, when the will tires, people may become more energetic as emotions are loosened and intensified. Ego depletion has hence been said to 'turn up the volume on life'. This give a way to know when your will is sagging: when you become more aroused. The correlation between glucose and willpower helps explain why dieting is so difficult: When you are depleted and need more glucose, you have to eat to get it and lack willpower to eat less while doing so. This creates a double bind: if you choose to eat you put on weight, if you do not, you lack the willpower not to eat and so still eat and put on weight. Willpower and muscle are so closely related, just clenching your muscles when you need more willpower can apparently help self-control. This is perhaps why people who are trying hard to control their urges often seem tense. Baumeister et al (1998) found that subjects who had to resist the temptation to eat freshly baked cookies gave up on on a subsequent task that required persistent effort sooner than participants who did not have to resist eating the cookies. Other studies found similar energy depletion in tasks including: Managing impression Suppressing stereotypes and prejudice Coping with thoughts about dying Controlling spending Restraining aggression Managing eating and drinking This is not without challenge and Hui et al (2012) found that exerting self-control did not increase carbohydrate metabolization, and that just rinsing one’s mouth with, but not ingesting, carbohydrate solutions had a positive effect on self-control. An effect to consider in changing minds is that when people are tired their willpower will be less than normal. Hence they may be more persuadable in the evening, after exercise or when they are tired from any other activity. When persuading, do ensure your blood glucose is up to good levels before acting in any way that requires willpower, for example by having a meal or energy drink a while before the persuasive activity. Ego Depletion Description As humans, we have have natural urges and tendencies which, if we indulged, would not always be socially acceptable. We therefore need to control these and a key part of childhood is spend in learning this discipline. We also need to do things that we do not necessarily want to do, which also requires inner control. There are a number negative emotions that we may experience, from anger to fear, yet in social situations there is a common value that such emotions should be suppressed rather than expressed. Such control also takes ongoing effort, peaking at the moments when there internal pressure to say or do something that might later be regretted. This self-management takes constant emotional and cognitive effort. In these acts of self-control and will-power, some acts take more effort than others. Overall, though, there is almost always some ongoing effort in staying socially acceptable. We have limited resources for this task, which can run low, leaving us exhausted and vulnerable. In this state we may make more errors and our decision-making ability may well be impaired. We may also be more liable to outbursts, such as of anger or shock. As control loosens emotions intensify, including positive ones, and the person may become more excited. In a Freudian sense, this self-control uses the conscious 'ego' to control the basic desires of the 'id'. Hence as it gets worn down through exercise, the ego becomes depleted. Ego depletion tend to result in greater attention to the short term with priority being given to this and consequent ignoring of longer-term factors. This can lead to unwise decisions. The depletion that is caused may be restored to some extend by rest and positive experiences. It has also been found that ingesting glucose has a significant restorative effect. This depletion and restoration has contributed to the metaphor of will as a 'muscle'. Research Baumeister et al (1998) put subjects in either the position of having to resist taking chocolates or resist eating radishes, or having nothing to resist. They then gave them an impossibly difficult problem to solve. Those who had to resist chocolates reported being more exhausted and gave up on the problem earlier than either of the other two conditions. Subsequent research by Baumeister has shown that people who are less intelligent, and so find it harder to do mental problems, suffer greater ego depletion. He also found that ego depletion in shoppers was more likely to lead to impulse purchases. Example A person who is from a social group where swearing is common goes to a party in polite company. They try not to swear, but as the evening wears on, a few expletives do slip out. How Will Fails Using willpower can help get you what you want. But sometimes it fails. Here's ways it happens and what to do about it. Low blood glucose Problem Willpower can fail when the muscle effect can take its toll and any physical or especially mental effort can weaken your resolve as the blood glucose levels are depleted, leaving insufficient for the high mental effort that exercising the will requires. This is a method that interrogators deliberately use as they wear down their subjects. Children use it too in nagging their parents until they get what they want. Solution The simple solution is to ensure you have a good supply of blood glucose before any task that needs willpower, whether this is for self-control or commanding others. A quick way of doing this is with the same type of glucose energy drink that sportspeople use. Limiting beliefs Problem Sometimes we develop limiting beliefs that hold us back and prevent us from achieving our potential. Beliefs such as 'I am weak' and 'I must obey others' often start in childhood and persist long into adulthood. If you believe that you have no self control then you will create this self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe that others are superior, then you will give in whenever your will is pitted against others. Solution The reverse is also true. If you have empowering beliefs then you can have much greater self-control, be able to hold your own in any debate and find it far easier to impose your will on others. A way to change beliefs is to examine them, realizing what they are and questioning how they came about. Then changing them to something more useful. If you keep acting as if a belief is true then there is a good chance that it will become embedded. Another way is reframing, looking at things differently in a way that makes the need to change belief such that it aligns with the new viewpoint. Damaging self talk Problem Another major cause of failed will is destructive self-talk. We tell ourselves that we will fail, that it is not worth it, that it is bad to argue, that we will lose out, and so on. In doing so there is a dual effect. First, the negative self-talk demotivates us, making us feel like giving in. There is also a multiplier as the simple cognitive effort of this mental chatter also drains us, taking away resource from the will.  Solution Stopping self-talk altogether is almost impossible, but you can do a lot to change the content. If you are destroying your will by what you say to yourself, you can change this with a range of methods such as: Interrupting the voice as it is whispering in your ear and having a good argument with it. Changing the pattern of what is said, replacing the damaging words with encouraging ones. Changing the voice so it sounds weak, dull and ignorant. Telling the voice to just shut up! Overconfidence Problem Sometimes we can fail in tasks that require willpower by being overconfident in our abilities to cope. In this way we jump into negotiations without adequate preparation or get involved in a battle of wills when we are tired. Solution Be more realistic in assessing threats, situations and your ability to cope. Prepare for events you can see ahead, including physically and mentally. Get a fair assessment of the people you will be pitted against, including their willpower and ability to argue their case. It can sometimes be difficult to see yourself. In such cases it can help to get an independent honest friend who will give you a true opinion. Urge and Self-Control We all feel urges to act in all sorts of ways but often do not, using our self-control to restrain urges that are not appropriate. Depending on what we experience and how we respond, we can end up in quite different styles of behaving. Levels of urge We all have urges which pressure us into action. These urges may be measured along several scales, from low to high, good to bad and our tendency to experience urge. Tendencies to experience urge Some people feel urges more strongly than others. Sometimes this is a general experience across all urges and sometimes it is based in one particular area, for example where a person has an eating disorder or has anger management issues. Degrees of self-control As well as feeling urges, we have a counter-balancing system of self-control which provides a system to keep unwanted urges on a closer leash, saying 'no' to the id, obeying rules and helping us achieve our higher goals. This is sometimes called 'impulse control' and some people have particular problems in managing it. The urge-control matrix Depending on whether people experience low or high urges, and whether they have the self-control to manage these, we can identify four classifications, as below. Urge-Control matrix Strength of urge Low High Power of self-control High Low   Goody Repressed   Slipper Uncontrolled Note that this does not necessarily mean that people fit into only once category, as urge and control can vary with subject. Hence a person with an eating disorder may be Uncontrolled with regard to food, yet be a Goody (or other type) when it comes to managing anger. Uncontrolled When people have powerful urges and low ability to control themselves, they are simply out of control. They are victims of the id with a weak or ineffective super-ego. When they feel the urge, they either have a failed battle with it or just go along with it without a fight. Hedonists can fall into this category as they live on the pleasure principle that drives the id (although hedonism may also be a reasoned choice rather than a helpless compliance). Repressed People with high level of urge who also have a high ability to control the urge fall into the Repressed category. They experience significant pressure to comply with the urge, but they 'keep the genie in the bottle'. This does not come free as they continue to feel the pressure of the bottled-up urge, and if they cannot keep it under control it may spontaneously burst out or else be transformed by some other coping mechanism. Goody Those who are not strongly driven by urges and who have the self-control to manage any occasional slips may be viewed as being 'good people'. In practice, it may be a fortune of genetics that allows them to be this way. Self-control, however, can be learned, so perhaps they are arguably good in the effort they are making to control their baser instincts. Goody people do not necessarily have a wonderful life. The low urge may also be coupled with a low general drive and they may suffer from lethargic apathy and so do not live up to their potential. Slipper Many of us fit into the Slipper category, where we occasionally slip up with such as angry outbursts and indulgence of cravings. But by and large, we have sufficient self-control and the lack of extreme urges makes it relatively easy to keep ourselves in check. At the very low end, with no urge and no control, Slippers are perhaps fortunate that their lack of self-control is matched by a lack of urge. Again, this can lead to a relatively static lifestyle. The Brain's Urge System At a fundamental level, the brain has a simple carrot-and-stick biochemical system of forcing us into action, as illustrated below (you can click on the diagram to see explanations of each part, or just follow the text below). Six steps to heaven 1. Stimulus The stimulus to the brain starts with a physical condition such as low blood sugar. It can also come from a visual signal from something desirable or undesirable, or even pure thought. In each case, the stimulus is a trigger for a sequence of internal events which will result in external action.  2. Urge The thalamus in the limbic system ('leopard brain') converts the physical need into an urge within the cortex. It is, in effect, saying 'Hey, do something! You have an unfulfilled need!' Cognitively-driven urges have a similar effect, where internal imaginings trigger an urge response. Urges are, quite literally, urgent. They have priority and force other matters aside. They are frequently felt as a kind of 'emptiness', typically felt physically as a gnawing feeling in the abdomen. For example the low blood-sugar gets translated in hunger. The lack of human company, especially close companionship, is a more instinctively driven situation that provides urge. Note how both give you a feeling of emptiness. 3. Desire The cortex then translates this urge into a targeted desire for something specific, which gives us a conscious motivation towards a particular goal. The underlying urge becomes wants and needs. Wants and needs have to struggle against one another in a priority list for action now or later or not at all. The strength of the urge is thus important, with strong urges leading to needs that jump the queue, demanding immediate action. For example the felt urge of hunger is translated into a desire for food, whilst the  urge for human company becomes a desire for company. This can be a desperate desire, as the starving person thinks of nothing but food and the love-struck individual cannot get the object of their desires out of their mind. 4. Action Eventually the urge-desire reaches its goal and the person takes physical steps  to satisfy the internal nagging that has prodded them into action. The action may be small or it may take significant time and effort. It may also be undesirable in some way, such as when a person on a diet does not really want to eat. This only goes to show the power of this internal motivation system to force us into even uncomfortable action. 5. Evidence To complete the loop, the brain now needs proof that the action has been completed before it proceeds with its reward. It is not enough to remove the stimulus, for example intravenous feeding or going to a crowded place does not make you feel good. The evidence has to come in a particular place. It is specific actions which are rewarded. Going to a restaurant is not good enough. Looking at food is not good enough. Putting it in your mouth is in the right direction. You can almost hear the brain shouting 'go on, go on'. But it is the swallowing where you feel good. 6. Reward When the limbic system detects that we are satisfying the urge, like any motivation system it must reward to encourage continuance of the desirable behavior. The brain rewards us in two stages. The first stage is to tell us that we are doing the right thing and to encourage us to keep doing it. Thus we get to feel satisfaction for each mouthful of food. It's as if the brain is saying ‘That’s right! Keep doing that!’ However, we can't keep eating forever and there is a point at which our bodies have sufficient input to sustain them for a while. The job of the brain is now to stop us eating. It does this by making us feel fulfilled, often by a literal feeling of being 'full'. It is as if the brain says ‘Well done! That’s enough for now.’ The gnawing emptiness is now replaced by a replete sense of completion and satisfaction as we sit back and relax in an after dinner snooze. When the system goes astray This system does not always work to our advantage. If it breaks in some way, then we can either find ourselves stranded and unmotivated or stuck in a cycle of repetition.  Can't start What if the cycle does not complete? The stimulation may be there, but somehow the chain of urge-desire-action has been broken. One way we are unable to start doing something we should is where urges clash, and one overcomes the other. In Anorexia Nervosa, the urge to be socially accepted and the consequent desire to be fashionably thin overrides the urge to eat. Cleverly, the part of the mind that wants to be thin compensates for the painfully thin reflection by hallucinating it into a fat and undesirable person. We can also break cycles merely by interruption. People who fast for political or religious reasons will tell you that once you have got past the day or so, it becomes increasingly easy to not eat, to the point where they have to force themselves to eat for some while before it becomes pleasurable again. Can't stop As well as not being able start, we can also fall into a state where we cannot stop. The 'fulfillment' signal is either broken or is overridden by a stronger urge-desire signal. The reverse of Anorexia is over-eating. In this case, it is the system which tells us to stop which is broken. This may happen where the urge for comfort and to feel good drives us to do those things which have made us feel good in the past. Eating is thus driven less by the body's need for food as the brain's need for comfort. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a classic syndrome where non-helpful urges fall into a can't stop cycle. These can include peculiar 'can't stop' activities, from counting and repetitive movements to collecting and other actions that others find annoying or trivial. So what? So this is the inner secret of how the brain prods us into action. You can use this system to change behaviors. Breaking the cycle To stop someone over-eating, you could provide something more desirable. When they reach for the food, show them a picture of a healthy person. You can also do the reverse, showing them a picture of a fat person. You could put a mirror on the refrigerator. You can also break cycles by removing stimuli. So take away the food. Or replace it with fruit and vegetables. Make mealtimes short. Fix the times when you eat. Introducing other urges You can also overpower them with other urges that blot out and distract from the urge you want to extinguish. Get them interested in sport and being healthy. Take them out to dinner and let them pay. Go to expensive restaurants. Put something that smells nasty in the refrigerator.  Changing the rewards Finally, you can attack the end-point, the rewards they receive for both acting and completing the action. Make the food bland so it doesn't taste so good. Change the texture or appearance. Watch a horror movie or listen to disliked music during the meal.  Give completion awards earlier and make them significant. So eat before going to the theater, but go late so you've only a short period before the play. Have a small first course followed quickly by a very tasty second course.