Start a /\/eW year with positive focus

Many of you will resolve to do a whole host of things in 2014. Some will vow to eat healthier, lose weight or save money—while others will pledge to land a new job, get a promotion or earn more money.

“Many people go into a New Year with resolutions or goals for their career for the next 12 months,” says Shawnice Meador, director of career management and leadership development at MBA@UNC. “The holidays are a great time to reflect and begin implementing your resolution plan.”

Andy Teach, a corporate veteran and author of From Graduation to Corporation: The Practical Guide to Climbing the Corporate Ladder One Rung at a Time, agrees. “I do believe that it’s fairly common for most people to have career-related New Year’s resolutions because work is such an important part of our daily lives,” he says. “Therefore, it’s in our best interest to try to become better at what we do for a living.”

The end of the year is always a great time to reflect on what has worked and what hasn’t worked for us, and to think about what we want to do differently next year, he says.

“New Year’s resolutions tend to be reactions to things we want to change in our lives,” adds Dr. Karie Willyerd, vice president of learning and social adoption at SuccessFactors. “I have a good friend who only makes resolutions she knows she will keep, so they tend to be positive and something she really wants to do. The same could be said of career-related resolutions: some can be in reaction to things you want to change, but you should also consider some aspirational, desirable resolutions.”

Creating an actual plan will help you stick with your career-related goals for the year, Meador says. “Some resolutions are inward-focused, such as improving a mindset or stopping a bad habit, and sometimes career-related resolutions are outward-focused, such as expanding your professional network or getting your name ‘in the mix’ for a lateral move to another department.”

To increase your probability of sticking to your resolutions, prioritize your list and don’t sign up for too much all at once, she says.

1. Get a raise or promotion. “Talk to your manager now to really understand what it will take and what the timeline is for receiving a raise or promotion,” says Lindsey Pollak, a career expert and author of Getting from College to Career. “When you have specific, tangible, measurable goals they are much more realistic to achieve.”

Before you pursue this one, you’ll want to consider your request from the company’s viewpoint, Willyerd adds. “What are you doing or what do you offer that is addressing a big issue or need for the company? Promotions and raises have two parts: what you bring and what the company needs. No matter how fabulous your skills are, if the company doesn’t need them, it can’t justify a promotion or pay raise.”

The best way of proving that you offer what the company needs is to come up with a list of your daily responsibilities, the major projects you’ve worked on, projects you’ve worked on that you weren’t asked to do, recommendations or endorsements from others inside or outside the company, future responsibilities, examples of how you’ve made your boss’s job easier, and, if possible, quantify your accomplishments, Teach says. “Don’t mention that you work hard (so does everyone else) or that you’ve been with the company for a long time. Longevity doesn’t necessarily count, but results do.”

Once you have a compelling story about the value you bring to the organization, get a good friend to rehearse your request, Willyerd says. “Listen to their feedback and practice again. This is one of the most important conversations you’ll ever have and you should be highly prepared to have it.”

2. Reduce stress. Ask yourself if the stress is coming from outside sources (your supervisor, colleagues, etc.) or if it’s self-induced. Perhaps you’re putting too much pressure on yourself, Teach says. If so, step back and start with the simple things like sleeping and exercising more. “Don’t place the weight of the world on yourself,” he says. “You can’t do everything so don’t try to.”

One excellent way to reduce stress is to gain better control by managing up, says Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant; How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job. “Most bosses barely have time to get their job done, save overseeing yours. In the process, hasty decisions can be made; not enough time may be spent upfront on a project; your wishes may not be heard; there may be misalignment with what you can achieve and when, and so on.” So here is your opportunity in 2014 to take your boss by the proverbial hands and set meetings, goals, and your agenda. “If you are reactive, don’t be surprised if you also are more stressed out, juggling more than you can handle. But if you present logical to-do lists and provide leadership, you will thrive.”

Pollak says this resolution is different for everyone because we all have different stress triggers and favorite ways of relaxing. “Know what works for you,” she says. “Maybe it’s walking around the block, calling a friend, playing online for five minutes, or breathing deeply. Do your best to fit that de-stressor into your day on a regular basis.”

3. Be more organized. “Getting a head start on organization coming into the New Year is wonderful, however maintaining it is a little more difficult,” Meador says. “Don’t overwhelm yourself into a whole new way of doing everything. Rather, focus your efforts on one or two key areas where you want to be more organized and maintain them throughout the entire year.”

There are two key areas that are very important to keep organized in all jobs: your calendar and your desktop, she says. Once you determine a system that works for you to manage your time effectively, the more you will be able to accomplish at work, and, in turn, the better you will be at your job. “If you use an online calendar system, consider color-coding various tasks to track how you are spending your time, actively using the task management function as your checklist (instead of thousands of post-it notes), and utilizing the meeting tracking function to stay on top of the agendas and attendees.”

Your desktop is a direct reflection on how you manage your job, and management and executives do pay attention to this, Meador says. “Your office or desk is the first impression for anyone that is working with you to see how you manage your workload and how you take pride in your professional presence.”

Keeping a clean and organized workspace can also help reduce stress. “It’s obviously much easier and less stressful when you can easily find important projects and papers on your desk,” Teach says. If not, this could hurt your work efficiency and productivity.

4. Quit your job/get a new job. Consider this one if you feel stuck, you hate your boss or your company, or there’s no opportunity for growth and you have skills that match needs in the marketplace, Willyerd says. “Take matters into your own hands and look for a place or a role where there’s buzz and excitement.”

If you’re simply unhappy with your position or responsibilities—seriously consider a new role within your current company, Meador says. “Instead of looking for a way out this year, it may be worthwhile to focus your efforts to creating a plan to stay. An internal move is usually an easier and quicker way to achieve your career progression goals. You have an advantage at your current company because you are a known entity.”

Whether you stick with your employer or pursue a job elsewhere, you need to take the time to figure out exactly what you want in a new job–and then ensure that your personal brand is accurately and professionally reflected in three key mediums: your online presence (your LinkedIn profile or Google search links), your on-paper presence (your résumé and cover letter), and your in-person presence (your elevator speech), Meador says.

“There are many people who don’t like what they’re doing for a living and are ready for a change,” Teach adds. “They see the new year as a great starting point to look for a new job. The one thing I would recommend is to only quit your current job if you have a new one lined up, especially in this economy. You have a lot more leverage that way.”

If you’re unhappy with your current role but unable to find a new job—consider modifying your job description within the same company and do more of what you enjoy, Taylor says. “The company has invested in you and a slight shift in your role and responsibilities may be viewed as a win-win. In this scenario, the squeaky wheel may get the grease; don’t overlook the possibilities.”

5. Improve your work-life balance. “Get clear on what your boundaries are, and stick to those boundaries so your colleagues start to know how best to work with you,” Pollak says.

If you work late every night, vow to leave the office earlier. “Many people work long hours every day and it really infringes on their personal life,” Teach says. “They want to leave earlier each day but aren’t sure how to go about doing it.” One solution is to come in earlier. If you can get things done first thing in the morning, perhaps it will allow you to leave earlier each day.

Another solution is to delegate more. “If you’re a supervisor, try giving your employees more work so that you will have less,” Teach says. “You can also try to prioritize better. Don’t try to please everyone because then you’ll end up pleasing no one. Work on the most important projects and realize that you can’t finish everything in one day. There’s always tomorrow.”

6. Network more effectively. You might want to tweak your approach to networking. “As you embark on professional networking, you need to drop the ‘me’ perspective and go into your interactions with other professionals with a partnership perspective,” Meador says. Remember that both of you are there to share, learn and help each other out professionally. “You and others will get more out of this type of ‘give and take’ relationship than the single-sided approach.”

Once you’ve got that down—try to become more active on LinkedIn or other professional social networks, Pollak says. “Schedule 10 to 15 minutes three times a week (or whatever consistent schedule works for you) to set up a great profile, connect with colleagues and former colleagues and surf around LinkedIn to see where you can add value and what features of the site will be most helpful for you.”

If you are more of a face-to-face networker, stay involved with your college alumni networks and your regional professional associations, Meador says. And make an effort to attend more networking events, Pollak adds.

Start with a realistic goal, like attending one networking event per month. “It’s also a good idea to have an accountability partner–someone with a similar goal who will encourage you to stick to your plans and not bail at the last minute,” she says. Also, try to find events that really appeal to you, with great speakers or at fun venues, so you are more likely to attend and enjoy yourself.

7. Improve your relationship with the boss/co-workers. If there’s one relationship that you should constantly be focused on, it’s your relationship with your boss, Teach says. “They control your destiny so it behooves you to develop a really strong professional relationship with them and to work at improving that relationship.” How do you accomplish this? It all comes down to communication. Stay in touch with your boss throughout the day by letting them know about your progress on important projects. Let them know that you’re there to help them in any way possible. Ask them how you can be better at your job and what their expectations are. Anticipate your boss’s needs and by focusing on them, you should be able to improve your relationship with your boss, he says”

Cooperation with your co-workers is also critical. “We all want to have a department of supporters who will have our backs and we have theirs,” Teach explains. “It’s not always possible to get along with everyone in your department. Sometimes there’s friction between co-workers and it may be our fault, it may be theirs. Again, it comes down to communication.”

Make an effort to get to know your co-workers better and offer your help when they need it. Keep in mind that it’s in your best interest when the entire team looks good, not just you.

8. Develop your communication skills. It might be difficult to improve your professional relationships if you’re a poor communicator. If that’s the c“Being a better communicator is a great career-related New Year’s resolution,” Taylor says. “Consider taking local adult education classes for presentation or communication skills. If you think your business writing could use a refresher course, consider an online college or adult education class. You can also pick up a book and learn the ropes if you’re self-motivated,” she adds. Strong communications skills is often what separates great employees from good ones.

 you might resolve to enhance those skills in 2014.

“Being a better communicator is a great career-related New Year’s resolution,” Taylor says. “Consider taking local adult education classes for presentation or communication skills. If you think your business writing could use a refresher course, consider an online college or adult education class. You can also pick up a book and learn the ropes if you’re self-motivated,” she adds. Strong communications skills is often what separates great employees from good ones.

9. Get a degree. “One study I read said that one of the biggest regrets people have late in life is not finishing a degree,” Willyerd says. “I’m amazed at the number of people who go back to school late in life and find they are highly successful, motivated students—which is often quite the contrast to their first scThere are endless options for online or flexible degree programs for those who want to go back to school later in life—so whether you want to earn an undergraduate degree or a Ph.D.–you should get the wheels in motion in 2014 by researching programs and setting a date by which you want to complete the program. “I decided I wanted to get a doctorate by the time I was 50, and I was in the middle of the age spectrum of my fellow program participants,” Willyerd says. “It’s simply never too late.”

10. Have a better attitude. A positive attitude can bring you great career success in 2014. “The resolutions I hear all the time, like make more money, get a promotion, do work I love, be a better networker, are more likely to happen if you have a more positive attitude,” Pollak says. “People want to do business with people who are proactive, positive and enthusiastic, so a good attitude will likely attract more people and opportunities your way.” If you want to be more optimistic this year, you’ll need to take good care of yourself; spend more time with family and friends–or doing the things that make you most happy; learn to appreciate what you have (both in your personal and professional lives); and smile more.

Unfortunately, most people fail to follow through on New Year’s resolutions, Willyerd says.

“Once Jan. 2nd hits we’re usually thrown right back into the grind and get caught up in our day-to-day tasks and short-term goals,” Meador adds.

Pollak believes most people give up their resolutions by February, “after the momentum of the New Year has worn off.”

But if you really want to stick to any goal, the best thing to do is get clear on the outcomes you want and what it takes to achieve them, set actions in your calendar so you really make time for your goals, and have accountability partners to keep you on track, Pollak says.

“If you make a list of 10 things to do in the new year regarding your career, perhaps just focus on two or three of the most important ones. Once you accomplish one of these, pat yourself on the back and move on to the next one,” Teach adds.

Meador agrees. She says it is important to prioritize your resolutions, and consider only tackling a few in the first few months. Then, assess your progress regularly, and determine if you need to continue to focus on just a few goals, or if you are ready to add a few more to your actionable to-do list.

Another trick for staying on track is to send yourself some predated e-mail messages, Willyerd says. Write a half dozen e-mail messages to yourself, dated every other month. A few times a year you’ll get a reminder from your motivated self to get back in touch with important goals in your life.

“As the year wears on, the excitement of a new plan can wear out–unless you stay vigilant in your purpose,” Taylor concludes.

Good luck FOR new Year 2014 .......

What constitutes a person's IQ?

The term IQ, or Intelligence Quotient, generally describes a score on a test that rates the subject's cognitive ability as compared to the general population. IQ tests use a standardized scale with 100 as the median score. On most tests, a score between 90 and 110, or the median plus or minus 10, indicates average intelligence. A score above 130 indicates exceptional intelligence and a score below 70 may indicate mental retardation. Like their predecessors, modern tests do take in to account the age of a child when determining an IQ score. Children are graded relative to the population at their developmental level.

What is this cognitive ability being measured? Simply put, IQ tests are designed to measure your general ability to solve problems and understand concepts. This includes reasoning ability, problem-solving ability, ability to perceive relationships between things and ability to store and retrieve information. IQ tests measure this general intellectual ability in a number of different ways. They may test:

• spatial ability: the ability to visualize manipulation of shapes
• mathematical ability: the ability to solve problems and use logic
• language ability: This could include the ability to complete sentences or recognize words when letters have been rearranged or removed.
• memory ability: the ability to recall things presented either visually or aurally

Questions in each of these categories test for a specific cognitive ability, but many psychologists hold that they also indicate general intellectual ability. Most people perform better on one type of question than on others, but experts have determined that for the most part people who excel in one category do similarly well in the other categories, and if someone does poorly in any one category, he also does poorly in the others. Based on this, these experts theorize there is one general element of intellectual ability that determines other specific cognitive abilities. Ideally, an IQ test measures this general factor of intelligence, abbreviated as g. The best tests, therefore, feature questions from many categories of intellectual ability so that the test isn't weighted toward one specific skill.

Because IQ tests measure your ability to understand ideas and not the quantity of your knowledge, learning new information does not automatically increase your IQ. Learning may exercise your mind, however, which could help you to develop greater cognitive skills, but scientists do not fully understand this relationship. The connection between learning and mental ability is still largely unknown, as are the workings of the brain and the nature of intellectual ability. Intellectual ability does seem to depend more on genetic factors than on environmental factors, but most experts agree that environment plays some significant role in its development.

But can you increase your IQ score? There is some evidence that children develop higher intellectual ability if they receive better nurturing and diet as babies, and a higher degree of intellectual stimulation in preschool tends to boost children's IQ scores for a few years of elementary school but does not permanently increase IQ scores. For the most part, adult IQ scores don't significantly increase over time. There is evidence that maintaining an intellectually stimulating atmosphere (by learning new skills or solving puzzles, for example) boosts some cognitive ability, similar to the way maintaining an exercise regimen boosts physical ability, but these changes aren't permanent and do not have much effect on IQ scores.

So your IQ score is relatively stable, no matter what education you acquire. This does not mean that you can't increase your intelligence. IQ tests are only one imperfect method of measuring certain aspects of intellectual ability. A lot of critics point out that IQ tests don't measure creativity, social skills, wisdom, acquired abilities or a host of other things we consider to be aspects of intelligence. The value of IQ tests is that they measure general cognitive ability, which has been proven to be a fairly accurate indicator of intellectual potential. There is a high positive correlation between IQ and success in school and the work place, but there are many, many cases where IQ and success do not coincide.

Your environment affects who you are

Personal development

Which has the greater effect on human development: heredity or 
environment? Scholars have debated this question for years. Almost all 
experts would agree, however, that the effects of your heredity cannot 
be easily separated from the impact of your environment. You are a 
product of the interaction between the two. Your hereditary traits affect 
your functioning within your environment, and your environment 
affects the development and expression of your inherited traits.
Evidence of this interaction is all around you. Look, for instance, 
at the highlights that enhance the hair of some of your friends. Those 
highlights may be achieved by many hours of exposure to the sun’s rays 
or simply by a chemical treatment. In either case, the inherited hair color 
is changed by environmental factors.

Your Family

Your Family The family provides the single most important environmental 
influence on a child’s personality development. It is within the family 
that the infant first learns to love and trust others. This sense of trust is 
gained in the early years through the love and consistent responses of 
the baby’s caregiver. Family members also shape the child’s personality 
development through the beliefs and behaviors they impart to the child.
In a positive and nurturing family environment, children learn 
they are loved. Because they know they are loved, they are able to take 
the psychological risks necessary to learn new things. They know the 
important thing is to try their best. If they fail, their family will be there 
to comfort them and help them try again.
As children grow, they learn to be sensitive to the feelings of others. 
They learn to be considerate of other family members and to treat others 
as they themselves would like to be treated. This understanding 
influences 
the environment which children later provide as adults 
for their own children. Thus, positive (or negative) family beliefs and 

behaviors are often passed from generation to generation.

Relating to Authority Figures

It is important for children and teens to learn to relate well to 
parents and other authority figures because authority fi gures are an 
ever-present part of life. Almost everyone is accountable to someone. 
Workers must report to supervisors. Elected officials must be responsive 
to the people who elected them. Even a company president must 
answer to a board of directors. Later in life, you are likely to become an 
authority figure yourself—perhaps as a parent or work supervisor.
Being in a position of authority can be a very difficult 
job that carries a lot of responsibility. As an authority 
figure, you are often responsible for the safety and actions 
of others. Authority figures, however, are not perfect. They 
make mistakes at times, but they try their best, just as you 
will when it is your turn to be “in charge.”
Some teens have difficulty accepting guidance 
from people in authority. They may question and 
disagree with their decisions. However, it is important 
to remember that authority figures are doing their jobs. 
Even if you disagree, you can still be cooperative, accept 
their decisions gracefully, and learn from them. Then, 
when you are in charge, you can be prepared to exert authority fairly 

and effectively. 

Family cultural patterns 
What do you know about your family background? In what country 
did your ancestors live? One of the most interesting and enriching parts of 
life is to look into your past and see how your ancestors lived their lives. 
The total social environment of a people or group is called its 
culture.
Our society is 
culturally diverse
. It is made up of families 
representing many different cultures. Successive generations blend 
these cultural characteristics into their current way of life. They 
celebrate their individual cultural backgrounds while also respecting 
the many things they have in common with society as a whole.
Each family learns its customary beliefs and modes of behavior from 

its country or countries of origin. Are you aware of how your cultural background influences your life? Special holiday 
traditions, foods, heirlooms, and ancestral 
costumes all remind you of your cultural 
heritage.It is interesting to note ways in 
which a family’s cultural heritage 
may influence family relationships. 
For example, some families are 
influenced by cultures in which 
family members prefer not to show 
their affection for one another 
outwardly. In contrast, families from 
other cultures may like to show their 
affection openly.
Families from some cultures tend to 
place a high level of importance on close, 
frequent interaction, even after children 
have become adults. Adult children and parents 
may contact one another or get together several 
times a week. Much of their leisure time is spent 
in family-centered social events. In other, equally 
loving families, contact among family members is 
less frequent.

Appreciating Cultural Diversity
Family traditions and customs help make each family unique. 
However, people can benefit from learning about the values, beliefs, and 
behaviors of families in other cultures. To expand your appreciation of 
cultural diversity, you could try to learn a different language. You could 
make an effort to enjoy the food dishes of other cultures. You could take 
time to learn about the ways other cultures observe family events such 
as births and weddings. Even everyday events such as family mealtimes 
refl ect cultural practices. Studying the modern dress and traditional folk 
costumes of various cultures also provides an interesting perspective.
In this culturally diverse world, it is important to appreciate the 
contributions of cultures other than your own. If you know someone 
from another culture, knowledge of that person’s background may be 
helpful in understanding him or her. Learning about other cultures will 
also be useful to you when you enter the workforce. Developing an 
understanding and appreciation of various cultures can help you get 

along with others and be more effective in your work relationships.

Your Peers
The influence of your 
peer group
 (people about your own age) may 
currently be one of the strongest forces in your life. Your family will 
continue to be a strong influence, but your peers will also emerge as an 
important force. The impact of the two influences will vary as you pass 

through different developmental stages of your life.

Peer Influence During Adolescence

At this time of your life, your peers are probably very important 
to you. You share many experiences with them that contribute to 
the development of your personality. Your friends can be a source of 
strength and reinforcement. Such peer influence is natural and even 
essential in the development of healthy adolescents.
As an adolescent, you are searching for an identity (sense of who 
you are) and social acceptance. You are particularly vulnerable to 
peer pressure. 
Peer pressure
 is the influence exerted by a person’s age 
group. Many young people go along with their peers’ choices, thinking 
they are asserting their individuality. In reality, they are conforming to 
(fitting in with) the decisions made by others.
Peer pressure is a powerful force in establishing conformity, 
especially during the adolescent years. Most people want to be accepted 
by their peers. However, if your choices simply reflect your friends’ 
choices, you will not be learning the process of decision making. You 
may become dependent on others to make your decisions for you. It is 
important to remember that you can make your own choices. You should 
not have to conform to the choices of your peers to be accepted by them.
If your friends are influencing you toward behaviors that go against 
what you think is right, it will be necessary for you to stand up for what 
you believe. Those peers who are truly your friends will admire you 
more for adhering to your convictions.
Loyalties between your friends and you may be tested if they have 
principles unlike yours. If you become aware that your principles are 
quite different from those of your friends, you may wish to become 
closer to people with whom you have more in common.
Learn to identify and live by your own beliefs. If they are similar to 
those of your friends, it simply indicates your ideas and lifestyles are 
similar. Your choices should be your own, though you can benefit from 

sharing ideas with others.

Your Education
Your educational environment provides another important influence 
on your personality development. A positive school environment provides 
you with information and problem-solving skills. It also gives you a 
sense of yourself as a learner. Whether your individual learning style is fast 
or slow is of minor significance. The important thing is that you learn to 
the best of your ability. An appreciation for learning will equip you to seek 
information to help you solve problems throughout life.
A positive educational environment teaches other useful skills as 

well. Students learn to relate effectively to authority figures, such as teachers, coaches, and club sponsors. In competitive 
events, students see the importance of playing by the 
rules. They observe the role authority figures play in 
enforcing the rules fairly. Occasionally, students observe 
situations in which life is not fair, and they learn to live 
with those occurrences, too.
The classroom provides an arena in which you 
learn to compete and cooperate with others. You are 
also presented with opportunities to develop and test 
beliefs of right and wrong, such as deciding whether or 
not to cheat on an exam. All of these experiences and 
opportunities help you develop your personality. They 
also provide a valuable training ground for later life.

Your Religion
The role that religion may play in your life is one of the most personal 
elements in your environment. Religion means different things to 
different people. For some people, religion provides a sense of meaning 
and purpose in life. It offers psychological security, which can be helpful 
in living life and facing death. People may also feel their religious faith 
offers them moral and ethical direction as they strive to reach their goals 
and become responsible family and community members.
Many teens uphold the religious beliefs they learned in their 
childhood. Others who did not have early religious training may begin 
investigating religious beliefs during their teen years. If religion is one 

of your priorities, you may be influenced by it throughout your life.

Your Community and World
The world is constantly changing. The social and economic conditions 
that affected your grandparents or even your parents have changed. The 
trends affecting you today may not affect your children or grandchildren. 

Each generation develops within its own set of environmental conditions.


The Media
Probably one of the most significant influences on your personality 
development is that of the mass media. Television, movies, magazines, 
newspapers, and the Internet are only a few examples of such media. It 
is unrealistic for adults to think that youth can be totally protected from 
exposure to media influences. However, parents have a responsibility to 
exert some guidance in this area.
The media are an important source of both information and 
entertainment. For example, educational programs, news reports, and 
political analyses keep you informed. The mass media provide ways of 
learning about the world. However, you should make no apology for 
avoiding programs or other material that can disturb or upset you or 
harm your personality development.
You have a responsibility to protect yourself from the desensitizing 
effects of viewing too much violence or other unwholesome 
programming. Some studies indicate that young people exposed to 
violent television programs have a tendency to exhibit more aggressive 
behavior in real life. Whether or not this is true in all cases, few would 
argue that a steady diet of violence in TV programs, computer games, or 
movies is healthy.
The more violence you see, the less sensitive you may become to your 
own and others’ physical and emotional pain. The less sensitive you are, 
the less skilled you will be at forming and maintaining 
close personal relationships.
Similarly, the more antisocial behavior you see on 
TV or in movies, the more you may think that such 
behavior is expected. You may subconsciously begin to 
view antisocial behavior as the norm rather than as a 
bad part of an otherwise good society. These are only a 
few of the many reasons for limiting your exposure to 
violence. Similar arguments could be made for content 
glorifying sexual violence, materialism, dishonesty, 
self centeredness, and other behavior.
Try to interact with the media material you see 
rather than passively absorbing it. Ask yourself, “What 

is the message I am supposed to be getting?” “Do I agree with this message?” “What kind of society would we have if everyone 
agreed with this message?”
Finally, think about the amount of time you are giving to being 
entertained and influenced by the mass media. Evaluate this time 
commitment in light of your overall goals. Ask yourself, “Is this game 
worth the time it is taking me to play it?” “Would I feel better about 
myself if I were doing something else?”
Sometimes it takes willpower to turn off the TV or computer or to 
walk out of a movie. People who do so are often pleasantly surprised 
at how much they can accomplish toward worthwhile goals by putting 
their time to other uses.

Tips on Decision Making

Stop Making Decisions That Waste Time and Money

Many  rely on gut instinct to make important decisions, which often leads to poor results. On the contrary, when managers insist on incorporating logic and evidence, they make better choices and their companies benefit. Here are three ways to introduce evidence-based management at your company:

• Demand evidence. Whenever anyone makes a compelling claim, ask for supporting data. Don't take someone's word for it.
• Examine logic. Look closely at the evidence and be sure the logic holds up. Be on the lookout for faulty cause-and-effect reasoning.
• Encourage experimentation. If you don't have evidence, create some. Invite managers to conduct small experiments to test the viability of proposed strategies and use the resulting data to guide decisions.

Three Tips for Making Trade-offs

Every important decision inevitably involves a trade-off. Knowing what you can't pursue is as valuable as articulating what you will. But how do you know which trade-offs are acceptable and which are losing propositions? Here are three ways to help make the distinction:

• Get input on pros and cons. List advantages and disadvantages and ask others for their perspective on which carries the heaviest weight.
• Balance short term with long term. Determine what you'd be willing to give up in the long run for some important short-term gain — and vice versa.
• Gauge support. While weighing alternatives, think about who will support a particular idea and who will oppose it. Ask whose support you can live without, and whose backing and buy-in you absolutely need.

Schedule Time for Second Guessing

Questioning whether or not you've made the right decision can be a useful way to make sure you're on the right track. But if you second guess yourself at the wrong time, you may feel tempted to give up on important commitments. Don't question yourself when you are most vulnerable. Instead, schedule a time to review your decision critically when you are in the right frame of mind. For example, don't wonder whether you should abandon a plan to talk more during meetings when you are walking into the conference room. Rather, tell yourself that you will question the decision ten minutes into the meeting, once you've had time to get used to the idea. Setting a time will also help you second guess once rather than nagging yourself with doubts.

Avoid Three Common Decision-Traps

Making decisions is your most critical job as a leader. The more high-stakes a decision is, the more likely you are to get stuck. Here's how to avoid three of the most common traps:

• Anchoring. Many people give disproportionate weight to the first information they receive. Be sure to pursue other lines of thinking, even if the first one seems right.
• Status quo. Change can be unsettling and it's easy to favor alternatives that keep things the same. Ask yourself if the status quo truly serves your objectives and downplay the urge to stay in your current state.
• Confirming evidence. If you find that new information continually validates your existing point of view, ask a respected colleague to argue against your perspective. Also try to avoid working with people who always agree with you.

Rely on Others to Improve your Judgment

Reversing a decision that isn't working out can be a painful experience. Perhaps the product you launched isn't selling, or an ad campaign that you were behind is falling flat. Whatever the issue, accepting failure and changing direction can feel like a comment on your judgment. In these situations, call on others to help you evaluate and redirect. Ask people with a variety of perspectives — peers, direct reports, customers, family — to give you input on what went wrong and what to do now. The collective wisdom of this crowd can turn a bad situation into a winning one. Reversing a decision shouldn't be a reason for shame, but a badge of honor in that you lived and learned.

SEE ALSO ...http://underfocus123.blogspot.com/2013/12/understanding-willpower.html

Understanding Willpower

What is will? What is willpower? To be able to manage it, you must first understand what the word means.

Will

'Will' is the ability to make conscious choice. We all have free will and make our own choices, even if these are to obey the commands of others.

Flowers do not have will. Animals have a degree of will. Humans have more, simply because they are better at thinking and can make informed choices.

When something can be done 'at will' means one can act at any time of choosing without hindrance. Greater will is needed when there are obstructions.

A person may be described as 'wilful' if they do not easily submit to the requests or commands of others. They do what they like, breaking rules and laws without concern for what others may think (other, perhaps, than to delight in the sense of control this brings).

Will is related to desire. If you do not want something very much, then the will to succeed is likely to be weak. This is reflected in the saying 'A faint heart never won a fair lady.' On the other hand if you have a strong desire, then you will be more likely to persist. Another saying is 'Where there's a will, there's a way.'

Exertion of will as self-control may be viewed as a conflict of desires, for example where we both want to get angry and know that we should not. From a psychoanalytic position this looks like a conflict between id and superego.

There is a scientific argument that our unconscious mind is actually in charge and that conscious thought is just the perceived surface of the total unconscious. Whether this is true or not, we still have what we call choice. The alternative is to be fatalistic and be blown by the winds of the world.

Willpower

Willpower is the motivation to exercise will. A person with strong willpower will assert decisions even in the face of strong opposition or other contradictory indicators. A person with little willpower will give in easily.

Getting what you want takes willpower, whether it means you doing something or others doing things for you. To succeed, this means first you must know what you want. Then you must be determined to get it, even in the face of extreme difficulties.

Will and power are closely related, as using will is exercising power. Powerful people often exercise what seems to be a strong will, although this often comes from the confidence that having power creates rather than directly from having the power. In a reversal, people who have strong a strong increase their power as a result.

Self-Control

Willpower is first of all about self-control. If you cannot control yourself, then there is little hope to influence others. The most powerful leaders have an iron discipline within their own lives. They do whatever it takes to achieve their goals.

Self-control is...

Self-control is management of one's own behavior, in particular when the behavior is driven by subconscious urges that conflict with conscious goals. For this reason, self-control is sometimes called impulse control.

A classic test of self-control is how long a person can endure an uncomfortable situation, such as holding their hand in icy water. As the hand gets colder and less comfortable, the urge to pull it out mounts. People with 'normal' self-control are able to hold their hand in longer, typically for a minute or so.

Deep urges

A significant part of our inner system of motivation are deep urges that we have inherited from our evolutionary past. They pressure us into actions that perhaps we would rather not take.

This has led to a need for self-control where we know that simply giving in to these urges may give short-term gratification but which would damage us in the longer-term.

Higher goals

As well as the basic animal urges, we have higher goals that we consciously create by observing, experiencing and thinking about the world around us. Maslow's hierarchy of needs explains how we seek higher and higher goals until we become what we are capable of becoming.

In this way we set career goals, seek to be admired by others, want our children to succeed and so on. These goals are often set far out into the future, unlike the needs that are driven by more immediate urges which can easily damage our chances of achieving our higher goals.

Much self-control comes from these higher goals as we control short-term urges in order to achieve the longer-term goals. This can lead to an inner conflict between urges and higher goals.

We typically seek to suppress urges while driving ourselves on to do only those things that will achieve our goals, even if they are difficult or unpleasant. This is why students revise hard into the night and people take on jobs that they do not like as they seek to build their careers and support their families.

Inner systems

To help us manage urges, we also have inner systems of determination. In particular we have values, which contain social rules, and an aligned, conscience, which provides a counter-urge, pushing us to conform to the values. This uses effects such as cognitive dissonance to keep us on the the 'straight and narrow way'.

We also have a deep need for a sense of control, which drives us towards achieving self-control as well as control in the outer world. When we realize that we are out of control, this becomes very troublesome and we come to see that gaining control of our lives can best start with ourselves.

Some people have a greater ability control urges than others, although this can cause greater ego depletion as the person works hard to control themself.

Sigmund Freud identified three parts of our persona, each of which has a role in the urge-control struggle:

• The id is driven by our urges and base desires. It seeks sensual pleasures and short-term gratification.
• The super-ego is our conscience and counter-balances the urges of the id, pressuring us into good and socially acceptable ways of behaving.
• The ego is conscious 'self' that makes decisions and has to choose between the negative and positive pressures of the id and the super-ego.

A critical decision that the ego has to make is the balance between short-term gratification and longer-term satisfaction. The manner in which we discount the future when making today's decisions has a significant impact on this.

Benefits of self-control

There are many reasons why gaining a better ability to control oneself is worth the effort that may be required. Galliot et al. (2007) note that self-control has been linked to a broad range of desirable outcomes, including:

• Healthier interpersonal relationships
• Greater popularity
• Better mental health
• More effective coping skills
• Reduced aggression
• Superior academic performance
• Less susceptibility to drug and alcohol abuse, criminality, and eating disorders
• Greater wealth

The correlation of self-control with wealth has been found in studies such as where it was discovered that poorer people are more likely to eat while food shopping, buy on impulse and eat unhealthy food.

In the late 1960s, Walter Mischel offered preschoolers with the choice of one marshmallow now or two marshmallows in 15 minutes. In a review years later of how the adult subjects turned out, he found that those who waited were better adjusted with higher self-esteem and were better at handling stress. They were also less likely to abuse drugs, had better relationships, got higher degrees and earned more money.

No control

Sometimes we show little control and our lives run amok as we give in to urges and never seem to get anywhere near achieving (or even setting) life goals. Such people are called vapid, empty wastrels. Especially if they have clear talent, their lack of will to do anything with it seems such a shame.

Ways we avoid taking willful control of our lives include:

• Procrastination: Putting off things we should be doing.
• Excusing: Giving reason for not doing the right thing.
• Indulging: In excesses and little mores.
• Escaping: Running away from responsibility.
• Coping: Dysfunctional ways such as denial and displacement.
• Lying: To ourselves and others.

Desisting

Desisting means stopping or never doing something. When we are driven to a particular action then we know that we should really say 'no' to ourselves. From punching the boss to smoking a cigarette, there is much in life we know we should not do.

The first step to desisting is in noticing the urge before the action takes place. The next step is to stop the action.

Ways of desisting include:

Delayed Gratification

Description

Some people want good things today whilst others are prepared to wait until tomorrow or later.

A big question for anyone is the extent to which they are prepared to wait for big rewards later or will settle for less in the short term. Along with this is the question of the level of discomfort people will put up with in order to gain a later reward.

Some people have a greater tendency to use delayed gratification as a personal motivation whilst others are more motivated by 'instant gratification' or pleasure now. Those who make greater use of delayed gratification are likely to be more successful in their lives.

Discussion

An effect that influences delayed gratification is discounting (or delay discounting). A financial 'discounted cash flow' (DCF) is a calculation of the present value of future money. We do the same with personal pleasures, converting future benefit into a present value which we use to help make investment decisions around our time and effort. We are in this way less motivated by the promise of reward in a year's time as compared with one week's time or right now.

One thing that mitigates this is anticipated pleasure that contributes to present happiness as we think about the positive future. This is perhaps a uniquely human ability where delayed gratification may actually be more pleasurable if you think of sum of all the good feelings leading up to the event, plus the pleasurable event itself. There is, however, a limit to this. If you put a pleasant event twenty years out, you are unlikely to spend much of the intervening time looking forward to it.

In the 1960s, Walter Mischel did an experiment with children where he offered the choice of one early marshmallow or, if they could wait a while, two marshmallows. He went back to them ten years later and found that those who waited for the two marshmallows had been far more successful in their lives, with better coping skills and being more persistent in working towards their goals (Shoda et al, 1990).

Thinking about the future is important also for young people who may be more focused on immediate pleasures with little thought for the future. Romer et al. (2010) found that risk-taking as assessed by use of three popular drugs (tobacco, marijuana, and alcohol) is inversely related to the ability to delay gratification.

Domination Control of others sometimes is easy. Polite requests or firm commands can be all that is needed. At other times the other person pushes back. Often, in such situations, the person with the greatest willpower will win through. One-sided domination Domination is often a one-sided affair, where one person 'imposes' their will on another. The basic principle is to always expect obedience and to speak and act in a way that shows this. Dominant body language is often used. This may be deliberate and may be used automatically, as created by the dominant mindset. This may include: Expanding the body to look bigger. Invading the other person's space. Interrupting them, demanding priority attention. Taking what is theirs without asking. Staring and holding eye contact longer than usual. Aggressive, sudden movements that threaten. Criticizing them, acting as judge and jury. Acting casually or ignoring them, as if they do not matter. Domination may use assertiveness, but often adds threat or more overt aggression. Battle of wills Sometimes acting in a dominant way is sufficient to subdue the other person and bend them to your will. At other times, they may fight back and a  'battle of wills' ensues. It can be a surprise when a subordinate person revolts, whether it is a teenager or a direct employee. Less surprising is where peers or a romantic couple fall out. The result in any case may well be a stand-up argument, where the stronger will wins. Each person may now be using dominant words and actions and the interaction will easily escalate as each tries to out-do the other. A typical interaction is a staring match, where they lock gazes with the knowledge that the person who looks away first loses this little game. In this sense, anger can be a support for willpower as it fuels determination and makes the person feel more powerful. Anger also results in a loss of conscious control and can easily spill over into physical fighting, especially between two males. The dominant character Some people are naturally more dominant than others and this character type is found in the DISC personality model. Other factors that may lead to a dominant character include: A preference for control. A lack of empathy. A tendency to judging. Consideration of self over others. Seeking, holding and using power. Dominant people view themselves as successful only when they are in charge and others are bending to their will. They like the act of domination and the matching act of submission by others. They enjoy the battle of wills as it helps them feel their sense of control and power. Willpower as Muscle Description Willpower and muscle are surprisingly similar, both as analogy and in physical practice. The exercise of will requires cognitive effort, with the brain using more glucose from the blood. And as the blood glucose is a limited supply, it can run low, leading to a sense of exhaustion. The human brain takes a lot of energy to run, consuming 20% of the body’s calories even though it constitutes only 2% of the body’s mass. Muscles can be made stronger with exercise. Willpower is similar, although this is perhaps more of an analogy than physical similarity. When you learn, exercise and practice using willpower, you get better at it and will become exhausted less easily. Discussion The principle of exhaustion means people can be worn down, which can be a deliberate strategy in the exercise of will. If I believe I have a stronger, fitter will than you, then all I need to do is to keep using it until you are forced to give up. Exhaustion in exercising will can be both physical and mental. When you start thinking that you may not succeed, this results in an exhaustion based on what you are thinking, perhaps anticipating exhaustion rather than physical depletion. Physical and willpower exhaustion are different. You feel and know when you are physically tired but may well not realize that your will is weakening. This can lead to unexpected problems. Exhaustion as weakening of the will is also known as ego depletion. Paradoxically, when the will tires, people may become more energetic as emotions are loosened and intensified. Ego depletion has hence been said to 'turn up the volume on life'. This give a way to know when your will is sagging: when you become more aroused. The correlation between glucose and willpower helps explain why dieting is so difficult: When you are depleted and need more glucose, you have to eat to get it and lack willpower to eat less while doing so. This creates a double bind: if you choose to eat you put on weight, if you do not, you lack the willpower not to eat and so still eat and put on weight. Willpower and muscle are so closely related, just clenching your muscles when you need more willpower can apparently help self-control. This is perhaps why people who are trying hard to control their urges often seem tense. Baumeister et al (1998) found that subjects who had to resist the temptation to eat freshly baked cookies gave up on on a subsequent task that required persistent effort sooner than participants who did not have to resist eating the cookies. Other studies found similar energy depletion in tasks including: Managing impression Suppressing stereotypes and prejudice Coping with thoughts about dying Controlling spending Restraining aggression Managing eating and drinking This is not without challenge and Hui et al (2012) found that exerting self-control did not increase carbohydrate metabolization, and that just rinsing one’s mouth with, but not ingesting, carbohydrate solutions had a positive effect on self-control. An effect to consider in changing minds is that when people are tired their willpower will be less than normal. Hence they may be more persuadable in the evening, after exercise or when they are tired from any other activity. When persuading, do ensure your blood glucose is up to good levels before acting in any way that requires willpower, for example by having a meal or energy drink a while before the persuasive activity. Ego Depletion Description As humans, we have have natural urges and tendencies which, if we indulged, would not always be socially acceptable. We therefore need to control these and a key part of childhood is spend in learning this discipline. We also need to do things that we do not necessarily want to do, which also requires inner control. There are a number negative emotions that we may experience, from anger to fear, yet in social situations there is a common value that such emotions should be suppressed rather than expressed. Such control also takes ongoing effort, peaking at the moments when there internal pressure to say or do something that might later be regretted. This self-management takes constant emotional and cognitive effort. In these acts of self-control and will-power, some acts take more effort than others. Overall, though, there is almost always some ongoing effort in staying socially acceptable. We have limited resources for this task, which can run low, leaving us exhausted and vulnerable. In this state we may make more errors and our decision-making ability may well be impaired. We may also be more liable to outbursts, such as of anger or shock. As control loosens emotions intensify, including positive ones, and the person may become more excited. In a Freudian sense, this self-control uses the conscious 'ego' to control the basic desires of the 'id'. Hence as it gets worn down through exercise, the ego becomes depleted. Ego depletion tend to result in greater attention to the short term with priority being given to this and consequent ignoring of longer-term factors. This can lead to unwise decisions. The depletion that is caused may be restored to some extend by rest and positive experiences. It has also been found that ingesting glucose has a significant restorative effect. This depletion and restoration has contributed to the metaphor of will as a 'muscle'. Research Baumeister et al (1998) put subjects in either the position of having to resist taking chocolates or resist eating radishes, or having nothing to resist. They then gave them an impossibly difficult problem to solve. Those who had to resist chocolates reported being more exhausted and gave up on the problem earlier than either of the other two conditions. Subsequent research by Baumeister has shown that people who are less intelligent, and so find it harder to do mental problems, suffer greater ego depletion. He also found that ego depletion in shoppers was more likely to lead to impulse purchases. Example A person who is from a social group where swearing is common goes to a party in polite company. They try not to swear, but as the evening wears on, a few expletives do slip out. How Will Fails Using willpower can help get you what you want. But sometimes it fails. Here's ways it happens and what to do about it. Low blood glucose Problem Willpower can fail when the muscle effect can take its toll and any physical or especially mental effort can weaken your resolve as the blood glucose levels are depleted, leaving insufficient for the high mental effort that exercising the will requires. This is a method that interrogators deliberately use as they wear down their subjects. Children use it too in nagging their parents until they get what they want. Solution The simple solution is to ensure you have a good supply of blood glucose before any task that needs willpower, whether this is for self-control or commanding others. A quick way of doing this is with the same type of glucose energy drink that sportspeople use. Limiting beliefs Problem Sometimes we develop limiting beliefs that hold us back and prevent us from achieving our potential. Beliefs such as 'I am weak' and 'I must obey others' often start in childhood and persist long into adulthood. If you believe that you have no self control then you will create this self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe that others are superior, then you will give in whenever your will is pitted against others. Solution The reverse is also true. If you have empowering beliefs then you can have much greater self-control, be able to hold your own in any debate and find it far easier to impose your will on others. A way to change beliefs is to examine them, realizing what they are and questioning how they came about. Then changing them to something more useful. If you keep acting as if a belief is true then there is a good chance that it will become embedded. Another way is reframing, looking at things differently in a way that makes the need to change belief such that it aligns with the new viewpoint. Damaging self talk Problem Another major cause of failed will is destructive self-talk. We tell ourselves that we will fail, that it is not worth it, that it is bad to argue, that we will lose out, and so on. In doing so there is a dual effect. First, the negative self-talk demotivates us, making us feel like giving in. There is also a multiplier as the simple cognitive effort of this mental chatter also drains us, taking away resource from the will.  Solution Stopping self-talk altogether is almost impossible, but you can do a lot to change the content. If you are destroying your will by what you say to yourself, you can change this with a range of methods such as: Interrupting the voice as it is whispering in your ear and having a good argument with it. Changing the pattern of what is said, replacing the damaging words with encouraging ones. Changing the voice so it sounds weak, dull and ignorant. Telling the voice to just shut up! Overconfidence Problem Sometimes we can fail in tasks that require willpower by being overconfident in our abilities to cope. In this way we jump into negotiations without adequate preparation or get involved in a battle of wills when we are tired. Solution Be more realistic in assessing threats, situations and your ability to cope. Prepare for events you can see ahead, including physically and mentally. Get a fair assessment of the people you will be pitted against, including their willpower and ability to argue their case. It can sometimes be difficult to see yourself. In such cases it can help to get an independent honest friend who will give you a true opinion. Urge and Self-Control We all feel urges to act in all sorts of ways but often do not, using our self-control to restrain urges that are not appropriate. Depending on what we experience and how we respond, we can end up in quite different styles of behaving. Levels of urge We all have urges which pressure us into action. These urges may be measured along several scales, from low to high, good to bad and our tendency to experience urge. Tendencies to experience urge Some people feel urges more strongly than others. Sometimes this is a general experience across all urges and sometimes it is based in one particular area, for example where a person has an eating disorder or has anger management issues. Degrees of self-control As well as feeling urges, we have a counter-balancing system of self-control which provides a system to keep unwanted urges on a closer leash, saying 'no' to the id, obeying rules and helping us achieve our higher goals. This is sometimes called 'impulse control' and some people have particular problems in managing it. The urge-control matrix Depending on whether people experience low or high urges, and whether they have the self-control to manage these, we can identify four classifications, as below. Urge-Control matrix Strength of urge Low High Power of self-control High Low   Goody Repressed   Slipper Uncontrolled Note that this does not necessarily mean that people fit into only once category, as urge and control can vary with subject. Hence a person with an eating disorder may be Uncontrolled with regard to food, yet be a Goody (or other type) when it comes to managing anger. Uncontrolled When people have powerful urges and low ability to control themselves, they are simply out of control. They are victims of the id with a weak or ineffective super-ego. When they feel the urge, they either have a failed battle with it or just go along with it without a fight. Hedonists can fall into this category as they live on the pleasure principle that drives the id (although hedonism may also be a reasoned choice rather than a helpless compliance). Repressed People with high level of urge who also have a high ability to control the urge fall into the Repressed category. They experience significant pressure to comply with the urge, but they 'keep the genie in the bottle'. This does not come free as they continue to feel the pressure of the bottled-up urge, and if they cannot keep it under control it may spontaneously burst out or else be transformed by some other coping mechanism. Goody Those who are not strongly driven by urges and who have the self-control to manage any occasional slips may be viewed as being 'good people'. In practice, it may be a fortune of genetics that allows them to be this way. Self-control, however, can be learned, so perhaps they are arguably good in the effort they are making to control their baser instincts. Goody people do not necessarily have a wonderful life. The low urge may also be coupled with a low general drive and they may suffer from lethargic apathy and so do not live up to their potential. Slipper Many of us fit into the Slipper category, where we occasionally slip up with such as angry outbursts and indulgence of cravings. But by and large, we have sufficient self-control and the lack of extreme urges makes it relatively easy to keep ourselves in check. At the very low end, with no urge and no control, Slippers are perhaps fortunate that their lack of self-control is matched by a lack of urge. Again, this can lead to a relatively static lifestyle. The Brain's Urge System At a fundamental level, the brain has a simple carrot-and-stick biochemical system of forcing us into action, as illustrated below (you can click on the diagram to see explanations of each part, or just follow the text below). Six steps to heaven 1. Stimulus The stimulus to the brain starts with a physical condition such as low blood sugar. It can also come from a visual signal from something desirable or undesirable, or even pure thought. In each case, the stimulus is a trigger for a sequence of internal events which will result in external action.  2. Urge The thalamus in the limbic system ('leopard brain') converts the physical need into an urge within the cortex. It is, in effect, saying 'Hey, do something! You have an unfulfilled need!' Cognitively-driven urges have a similar effect, where internal imaginings trigger an urge response. Urges are, quite literally, urgent. They have priority and force other matters aside. They are frequently felt as a kind of 'emptiness', typically felt physically as a gnawing feeling in the abdomen. For example the low blood-sugar gets translated in hunger. The lack of human company, especially close companionship, is a more instinctively driven situation that provides urge. Note how both give you a feeling of emptiness. 3. Desire The cortex then translates this urge into a targeted desire for something specific, which gives us a conscious motivation towards a particular goal. The underlying urge becomes wants and needs. Wants and needs have to struggle against one another in a priority list for action now or later or not at all. The strength of the urge is thus important, with strong urges leading to needs that jump the queue, demanding immediate action. For example the felt urge of hunger is translated into a desire for food, whilst the  urge for human company becomes a desire for company. This can be a desperate desire, as the starving person thinks of nothing but food and the love-struck individual cannot get the object of their desires out of their mind. 4. Action Eventually the urge-desire reaches its goal and the person takes physical steps  to satisfy the internal nagging that has prodded them into action. The action may be small or it may take significant time and effort. It may also be undesirable in some way, such as when a person on a diet does not really want to eat. This only goes to show the power of this internal motivation system to force us into even uncomfortable action. 5. Evidence To complete the loop, the brain now needs proof that the action has been completed before it proceeds with its reward. It is not enough to remove the stimulus, for example intravenous feeding or going to a crowded place does not make you feel good. The evidence has to come in a particular place. It is specific actions which are rewarded. Going to a restaurant is not good enough. Looking at food is not good enough. Putting it in your mouth is in the right direction. You can almost hear the brain shouting 'go on, go on'. But it is the swallowing where you feel good. 6. Reward When the limbic system detects that we are satisfying the urge, like any motivation system it must reward to encourage continuance of the desirable behavior. The brain rewards us in two stages. The first stage is to tell us that we are doing the right thing and to encourage us to keep doing it. Thus we get to feel satisfaction for each mouthful of food. It's as if the brain is saying ‘That’s right! Keep doing that!’ However, we can't keep eating forever and there is a point at which our bodies have sufficient input to sustain them for a while. The job of the brain is now to stop us eating. It does this by making us feel fulfilled, often by a literal feeling of being 'full'. It is as if the brain says ‘Well done! That’s enough for now.’ The gnawing emptiness is now replaced by a replete sense of completion and satisfaction as we sit back and relax in an after dinner snooze. When the system goes astray This system does not always work to our advantage. If it breaks in some way, then we can either find ourselves stranded and unmotivated or stuck in a cycle of repetition.  Can't start What if the cycle does not complete? The stimulation may be there, but somehow the chain of urge-desire-action has been broken. One way we are unable to start doing something we should is where urges clash, and one overcomes the other. In Anorexia Nervosa, the urge to be socially accepted and the consequent desire to be fashionably thin overrides the urge to eat. Cleverly, the part of the mind that wants to be thin compensates for the painfully thin reflection by hallucinating it into a fat and undesirable person. We can also break cycles merely by interruption. People who fast for political or religious reasons will tell you that once you have got past the day or so, it becomes increasingly easy to not eat, to the point where they have to force themselves to eat for some while before it becomes pleasurable again. Can't stop As well as not being able start, we can also fall into a state where we cannot stop. The 'fulfillment' signal is either broken or is overridden by a stronger urge-desire signal. The reverse of Anorexia is over-eating. In this case, it is the system which tells us to stop which is broken. This may happen where the urge for comfort and to feel good drives us to do those things which have made us feel good in the past. Eating is thus driven less by the body's need for food as the brain's need for comfort. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a classic syndrome where non-helpful urges fall into a can't stop cycle. These can include peculiar 'can't stop' activities, from counting and repetitive movements to collecting and other actions that others find annoying or trivial. So what? So this is the inner secret of how the brain prods us into action. You can use this system to change behaviors. Breaking the cycle To stop someone over-eating, you could provide something more desirable. When they reach for the food, show them a picture of a healthy person. You can also do the reverse, showing them a picture of a fat person. You could put a mirror on the refrigerator. You can also break cycles by removing stimuli. So take away the food. Or replace it with fruit and vegetables. Make mealtimes short. Fix the times when you eat. Introducing other urges You can also overpower them with other urges that blot out and distract from the urge you want to extinguish. Get them interested in sport and being healthy. Take them out to dinner and let them pay. Go to expensive restaurants. Put something that smells nasty in the refrigerator.  Changing the rewards Finally, you can attack the end-point, the rewards they receive for both acting and completing the action. Make the food bland so it doesn't taste so good. Change the texture or appearance. Watch a horror movie or listen to disliked music during the meal.  Give completion awards earlier and make them significant. So eat before going to the theater, but go late so you've only a short period before the play. Have a small first course followed quickly by a very tasty second course.